Friday Fun: Search for world’s best drink carrier ends

None of us were there when Isaac Newton laid out his thoughts on gravity. Likely no one reading this was around when Henry Ford revolutionized the automobile industry. Some of us no doubt missed out on the day of the moon landing. But all of us, right now, can say we were able to take breaths long enough on this earth to witness a singular stroke of pure human brilliance and achievement on par with anything that has come before or will come again: The World’s Best Drink Carrier.

Is this innovation useful 99.9 percent of your life? No. Even if you own one, will you forget to bring it when you need it the most? Probably. But when you are out with some friends at a crowded bar, and you are the brave soul who pushes through the pack to order a round and then must figure out a way to get back with all of these beers without looking like a fool (especially in front of Phil, that dude is always looking to make fun of you), you’ll know all of evolution and the history of the vast cosmos, across the entire multiverse, was leading to this moment in time when you reach into your pocket, unfurl the World’s Best Drink Carrier, tell everyone “This is the World’s Best Drink Carrier” (because they will all be asking, mouths agape, arms akimbo), and bring every single beer back to the table without spilling a drop like a god damned hero.

Newton. Ford. Armstrong. That’s Cool USA. Take that, Phil.