Mosquitoes are bigger dicks than we thought: They tend to bite beer drinkers more

I’m covered in mosquito bites right now. Why? Because I enjoy drinking beer in the beauty of the outdoors — often at night and usually near bodies of water. Is that a crime now? Well, that depends, but it’s definitely a growing risk with the increasingly dangerous epidemic we like to call BUGS! A lot of these little ground/air invertebrates are super douches. In fact, some of these tiny, egg-laying, exoskeleton-equipped fuckers will fang bang you, steal your blood and then graciously give you diseases in return.

It’s not a cool deal, and it’s an even worse deal for beer drinkers. According to a recent Smithsonian Magazine article, mosquitoes prefer beer drinkers — along with certain blood types, skin bacteria, those with child and even certain clothing colors (apparently black, dark blue or red make you stand out to skeeters). Even those who exercise tend to attract more blood suckers (chupacabra probably included), which is truly a raw deal. From the article:

Just a single 12-ounce bottle of beer can make you more attractive to the insects, one study found. But even though researchers had suspected this was because drinking increases the amount of ethanol excreted in sweat, or because it increases body temperature, neither of these factors were found to correlate with mosquito landings, making their affinity for drinkers something of a mystery.

Whatever alcohol six sense attracts these super suckers, I do have to marvel at a mosquito’s ability to find and prefer booze blood. And, can I really blame them for loving my delicious beer center? Considering this, maybe bugs are more like me than I thought. It will make me think twice before smacking the life out of them while they sip my hemoglobin IPA. A courtesy from one dick to another.